My earliest memory of hair was when I was about three, my mom told this story, I had a nanny who took care of me. One day, without my mom knowing, the nanny cut my hair into these tiny, very short baby bangs. I never found out why, and my mom was absolutely furious! I can understand that—if I had a kid and the nanny just chopped their hair off without asking, I’d be like, "What the hell are you doing?"

I feel like hair is something that has no feelings of its own. But once you close your eyes and think about your connection to it, it’s a weird sensation. My scalp and my body are connected to something that can’t actually feel anything, it has no sensory reception. If someone touches your hair, you don’t feel it, but if they pull it, you do.

I feel like hair isn’t completely mine, because once it’s cut, you don't feel anything physically. If you cut your finger, it hurts; if you cut your hair, it doesn’t. Yet, hair can be turned into so many different forms depending on how you groom it.

Most of the time, I change my hair when something big happens in my life or when I need a refreshment. Usually, when I cut it short after having long hair for a long time, it’s a coming-of-age moment. It’s a physical manifestation of something happening internally. When I feel stressed or stuck, I use cutting my hair as a coping mechanism.

When I was younger, I think I had some internalised misogyny. Most girls my age were very protective of their hair, but I wanted to show that I didn't care and I didn’t want to look like other girls. It’s complicated right? I think I wanted to be rebellious about my hair in a way to reclaim my identity, without falling into categories or gender norms. And hair is my way of projecting my inner self.

I grew up in an all-girls private school in Thailand. In public schools, girls are often forced to cut their hair very short, but in my private school, we were allowed to grow it long. However, there were very strict rules. Every single day for nine years, I had to wear two braids. No layers, no colouring, no fashionable bangs. Everything had to be cut straight.

The school was very conservative. They thought two braids looked neat. They believed that if you were running around all day, the braids would keep your hair from getting messy, which wasn't even true!

We even had a ribbon hierarchy. If you were in Grade 1, you had to use red ribbons. Grade 2 was yellow. You had to buy them yourself, but they had to be plain, no lace, a certain width, which I don’t remember exactly, but something like two centimetres. The school even sold them in case you forgot yours, because they checked every single day.

I remember a dramatic moment that happened to a friend. Layered cuts were a trend for kids at the time like high-contrast, choppy layers. But when you braid layered hair, the ends stick out unevenly. One day, a teacher caught a girl whose hair didn't align. Right there, in front of the auditorium door in a public area where everyone could see, the teacher just took scissors and cut the girl's hair straight across the bottom of the braids. They didn't even untie them. It was a public performance of control.

When I was 17, I went to Italy as an exchange student. I thought I’d have total freedom, but life there was rough. I couldn't speak fluent Italian, and my host family didn't speak English. I was struggling at school and couldn't explain my stress because of the language barrier. One day, I was so overwhelmed that I went to a salon and dyed the tips of my hair and also half fridge blue. I think I saw the look online and thought it was cool. But when I went to school the next day, the reaction was huge. People were like, "Whoa, you're crazy! Why did you do that?"
I was in a seaside city, and there were only a couple of Asians in my school. I already stood out, but with the blue hair, the attention doubled. I felt so insecure and too outstanding that I dyed it back to black after only one day. I kept the blue on the lower parts of my hair where it was less obvious, but I couldn't handle the gaze on my face.

I mean, some of my classmates also had colouring, but it wasn't too extreme. I'm not sure if it's because my hair is completely black. Once I dyed it half blue, it became more obvious, I guess.

And before I dyed my hair blue, I cut my hair short myself. When I arrived in Italy, my hair was very long, to my waist. At the time, I was put in a prestigious language school where they taught Latin and Greek. It was impossible for me to catch up within a few months, as my classmate had been studying them for two years already. I felt like I would just be there in the classroom doing nothing, and I would be wasting my year here. I was crying to my exchange assistant, trying to move to an art school, but it took weeks before they actually understood my concern and for things to be organised.

So one day I just went to the bathroom, grabbed a pair of scissors, and cut my hair short. It was uneven and messy, but I felt so refreshed. I think it’s probably because everything at that time was so out of control, but cutting my hair by myself was the only thing I had authority over. My host mother was very kind. She saw it and just asked, "What happened? Do you want me to trim it straight for you?"

Naturally, my hair is quite curly, but recently I’ve been into straight hair. I wash it every two or three days. I have a specific body oil with a scent I love, so I apply a little bit to my hair as well before drying and straightening it. That smell sticks to me for days, which I really like.

I'm trying to grow it long again. But I know myself, I get bored very easily. I’ll look in the mirror and suddenly decide I don't want to look like this anymore. I’m a very spontaneous person. If I decide to cut it, I might stay up all night obsessively thinking about how to do it, and then I just do it the next day. It’s almost a little OCD.

In Thailand, the conventional standard is long, glistening, curly hair. If you have a buzz cut or short hair, people are generally okay with it, but they definitely view you as "unconventional". I feel like even my family, I think they're okay with me cutting my hair short if it still looks quite feminine, but then I once told my mom I wanted to try a skin-fade or a shaved head, and she said, "That’s a bit too much." She wouldn't scold me, but I think it would be a shock for her.

Actually, I think my grandma used to comment on my hair when my hair was too long. She would think that if it’s too long, it's very hard to take care of. And also because I'm quite short and tiny, they would say long hair made me look shorter. But not too short either; like this kind of medium length would be perfect because it's easy to clean and it's not too short as well.

With long hair, I usually just braid it or use a hair clip. Because in Thailand the weather is very hot. I couldn't go around with my hair untied. Otherwise, I'd be really sweaty.